Walking the gauntlet

“Let me give you one bit of advice…” Since we announced we were expecting I’ve heard that phrase more than any other. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that everyone’s advice is completely well-intentioned, but from the perspective of a soon-to-be-mom, it’s very overwhelming.

One of the most overwhelming experiences for any soon-to-be-parent – and one jam-packed with advice – is the Genesis Clinic Open Day. As we were interested in taking as natural an approach as possible, we thought it would be a good place to gather some info about the whos, wheres and hows of it all.

We arrived at Genesis about halfway through the four-hour open day to find a veritable gauntlet of midwives, doulas, antenatal and postnatal clinic sisters, cloth nappy manufacturers and maternity-wear salespeople… every manner of pregnancy- and baby-related profession and paraphernalia was on display.

We tentatively made our way towards the reception desk, careful not to make eye-contact with anyone, to find out when the next facility tour would be. Fortunately, we didn’t have long to wait, but once that was done, we’d have to venture back out into the trenches.

Genesis, as a birthing clinic, is truly stunning. If you have your heart set on a natural delivery, do yourself a favour and take a tour of the clinic. It gives you an opportunity to ask your questions without feeling self-conscious about your lack of knowledge, because even the mom-of-three-heavily-pregnant-with-her-fourth across the room from me during the tour had questions, which the nurse giving the tour graciously answered.

After going through the tour, we were both comfortable that Genesis would be a good fit for us, now all that remained was to find a midwife to do the delivery. Easy right? Ja right.

Walking back out into the gauntlet, tightly gripping each other’s hands, we were immediately targeted by a jovial, friendly-looking woman who thrust her card into my hand. I glanced at it just long enough to take in that she was a doula. Her eagerness to sell, not only her services, but those of her midwife partner was palpable and not the least bit reassuring. Within seconds of her initial assault I was withdrawing into myself, seeking a safe place where this lady couldn’t reach me. Becs, sensing my apprehension, began wrapping up the conversation. We thanked “over-eager lady” for her card and the chat and quickly moved on.

The next thing I saw was a lady wearing a shirt proudly emblazoned with the word “placentavore”. What? Exactly what you’re thinking it is, that’s what it is. As in “let us help you eat your child’s placenta.” I say again, what? I caught Becs’s eye and discretely motioned towards the self-proclaimed placentavore with my head. Her eyes widened, she lookeds back at me – horrified – and as one, we changed direction.

It wasn’t long before we were descended on by the next person eager to be our midwife / doula / caregiver – a friendly older woman with – based on her clothing and the bushy state of her unbrushed hair – a clear passion for all things natural. We chatted to her for a while and, not really feeling her vibe, thanked her for her time and moved on.

For whatever reason, we were then given a bit of breathing room. Becs turned to me and said, “How the heck do you choose a midwife?” “Who knows…” I replied looking around at the little tables that still stood between us and the exit. At which point a kind-looking woman made eye-contact with us and we instinctively moved towards her as if being drawn in by some invisible force.

Becs repeated her question to the lady, “how does one chooses a midwife?” The kind-looking lady, who turned out to be Sr Lindsay van der Walt from Infinity Babies – our future midwife – smiled knowingly and replied, “it’s a bit like a first date, really. You chat to a couple of people and see who you connect with.” We smiled and glanced at each other knowingly – it had been a while since either of us had been on a “first date”. We chatted to her for a bit longer, gave her my number so she could contact me on the Monday to set up a free “first date” and made our way towards the exit.

On the way out, we discussed how much we’d liked her, how she’d made us feel reassured, rather than overwhelmed, which – we both thought – was a good sign. We agreed that we’d go on that “first date” and take it from there.

When it comes to advice, it’s important to remember that everyone has – and is entitled to – their opinions. Everyone believes what they did was best and will vehemently advocate one course of action over another. But, quite honestly, the best advice anyone will ever be able to give you is to listen to everyone, and then do whatever you feel is right for you and your child. The same can be said about choosing a midwife / gynae / doula / caregiver. Chat to a few people, listen to the advice of others that you trust and then find one that you fit with.

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